


The Doors Which Held Back the Winter

by Trugemstory_SF



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: "I was the gay sato till i took an arrow to the knee", Dangerous footage of Mai removing shirt, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Multiple times, Nico if you are reading this I'm sorry, Plenty of spectulation, Post-Canon, Useless Lesbians, Yes reimu and marisa im looking at u, help satono understand gay 2k16, i wrote this instead of sleeping or replying to my bf (probably)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 21:25:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11883135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trugemstory_SF/pseuds/Trugemstory_SF
Summary: To be brought down by injury is no laughing matter. To be relieved of duty is not a cause to celebrate either.If anything, Satono Nishida was just upset over her past and fearful of her future.What a shame her personal vocabulary never streched past disdain for a loyal friend and a desire for normality she knew was flawed at its core.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> For my beloved bird Nico who wanted a SatoMai fic <3

In the Land of Back Doors, there was no sunlight. The muted glow that illuminated everything was a stale, bleak red like the dripping diluated paint off a canvas. Its sickening shine was not enough, never enough, and she hated it.

Satono Nishida laid in her bed, stared out of the broken window and longed for the sunlight. Longed for its warmth and welcoming embrace. It was her fault for never stepping foot out of the hidden land where they lived, Mai went and came as their Master pleased and so did she but when it came to the outside, she never dared to take the leap she forever pondered. Why was she scared of it all, the bandages wrapped around her wounded knee can answer that for you. The one night she dared follow Teireida out of the door that leads into the bamboo forest, she was greeted by an arrow out of nowhere, piercing her dominate leg. How convenient.

Not only was she crippled now, but Master had set her aside like a discarded item, a tool no longer functioning in favor of the fully effective, non-injured Mai. And above all she couldn't even dance to her heart's content, she could barely crawl out of her bed. It was all so disappointing at every turn.

Somewhere to the side was a meal she was supposed to eat, a well meant effort by her fellow servant which she appreciated greately, yet- she loathed it all. She loathed being useless.

"I'm home!" The light, peppy tone of Mai's voice is recognizable anywhere. Satono glances over to her untouched food and narrows her eyes. Mai is going to ask about it- she always asks about it. She cares, unlike some people- so Satono decides to save both the effort and pretend to be asleep as she hears her friend walk through the barely furnished living room. The house isn't luxurious at the very least, it's nothing more than a decript flat torn out of some unfortunate building to accomdate them, but they have long learnt to appreciate what they have. "Hey Satono~ you awake? Gods you won't believe who I saw today-" and the door slides open midway, before Mai holds her tongue and lowers her voice, obviously buying the ruse. She tiptoes inside as to not wake up her friend- it's so disgusting, the amount of unbridled care she can provide, you would believe she was a mother in a past life.

"Come on now, you shouldn't sleep so much." She mutters softly, shaking her fellow dancer's shoulder. "And you haven't even eaten today." Satono can hear the broken disappointment in her voice and almost scoffs. Was Mai really getting her hopes up again? "Wake up Satono, you'll get sick staying like that all day."

"I don't want to." She grumbles, and she can't tell if it's supposed to be annoyance or just exhaustation

"Not even for me? I'll take you outside, I promise."

And there, she has Satono's attention. She knows it isn't the real outside she speaks of, probably their balcony or a backdoor they could peek from, but any change from this routine, this uselessness is welcome. She was stuck inside for so long, her legs itched for dancing and her skin crawled at the idea of spending an entire year in bed.

So, eventually, she sits up in bed and eats whatever it is that Mai cooked. It isn't as bad as she thought, Satono had to admit her friend was getting better at not burning the food as well as the kitchen. She gets praise after praise from the silver-haired teen, as if she can tell how forlorn Satono really is and is just trying her best. Eventually, she's done and Mai carries her to the outside balcony, just as promised. The doors aren't as active today, and the ambient hum of the universe around them isn't as tiresome as it usually is, so everything carries an air of peace and delicacy.

It's comforting.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not much. It's healing."

"I... wasn't talking about your leg."

Satono looks up, fake questioning plastered all over her face like a paper mask.

"I meant not being able to dance."

Of course she would mean that. Simple minded Mai will always be herself. But to all fairness, Satono was as simple as her friend, getting torn to nothing over trivial matter. "I miss it."

"Me too. 'Tis just doesn't feel the same without you." The statement hits home somewhere within Satono, and she doesn't respond. Instead, she forced a smile at her only companion, hoping it wasn't as transparent as she thought as she laments. "I hate it here Mai, but I can't get out now with this leg now, can I?"

"Maybe one day, we both would get to go outside together." Mai looks hopeful, too hopeful. "I'll make it up for you Sato. I promise." She smiles, pure and full of hope.

Something inside wants to rip that smile off her face and crush her innocent little heart into bleeding pieces.

Satono looks over to the bleak landscape, the doors beckon her like shining gilluotine blades, more than ready to snap shut on her unsuspecting neck. There is no sunlight, for this is the place where unwanted things apparently lie, and where the hidden god keeps her plentiful secrets. For once, she sighs.

"I'm sure you will."


	2. Getaway

One of the downsides of living where no earthly being dared step, was that telling between day and night was practically impossible if you weren't familiar enough with the land. One of the telling signs though, are the doors that would fly open often within the day, drifting shut at dusk and loom beckoning at night, when the dim glow of the universe is at its darkest and the mumbles are scarce, creating a false privacy. In this world of wonders and mystical secrets, the doors are a paradox of their own. They shine in the etheral glow with polished hinges and woodwork adorned with gold, call you forth with their secrets locked within, igniting one's curiosity and convincing the innocent wanderer that wonders were only the turn of a doorknob away.

Heaven was waiting, and the doors knew the way.

But Satono had lived here for as long as she could remember, and she could tell the doors were nothing but traps eager to clamp their hungry jaws around an unsuspecting victim. She and Mai had ways around them, ways they kept as the secret of their work. There is a foreign sense of tranquillity in the still air as she hears Mai shuffling pots and pans in the kitchen, one that they could never get used to after their debacle with the human witch who had the nerve to refuse their Master's generous, generous offer. Satono still remembered the odd looks she'd given them on her way out, as if in a way she pitied their state of eternal servitude.

Who needed her pity anyways?

She sits up, massaging her aching muscles and calls after her friend who is a little too pleased with the fact Satono didn't sleep in all day for once. Mai walks into the small bedroom in her pyjamas, and it serves as a reminder of how young they physically are, despite becoming less and less human everyday. She looks quite surprised- it's genuine, and only now does Satono realizes she has probably been brooding for quite a while. "S-Satono! You're awake!" She scurries to her friend's bedside, but her expression soon changes into concern. She's probably worried about the two weeks Satono spent sulking in bed. "Are you feeling well?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She says, sounding unintentionally bitter. Still, she is a little grateful someone still asked about her, she had expected to be abandoned as the aftermath of her wound. But then, she and Mai had been stuck together for as long as she could remember, and even if she and the scatterbrain didn't get along sometimes, they were still close.

In all sorts of ways.

The smell of food wafts in through the kitchen, and Mai grins sheepishly. "I was uh... cooking. Again." She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. "I have to go back or I'll burn it, but you just woke up and-"

"I get it, but I also wanna see what miracles you've been working there." Satono crosses her arms, a challange in her tone. "There's no way you, of all the people learnt to cook in just a week."

Mai's brows arch and she looks as if she's going to say something, but all what she says is "You'll see." She carefully picks up her friend and takes her to the warm, small kitchen where all sorts of culinary appliances were strewn about in a mess of spices and whatnot. Placing Satono gently on a clean spot of the counter so she can watch if she wanted to, Mai turns to whatever is boiling on the old, archaic stove and puts a hand to her forehead, as If trying to remember just what she was supposed to be making. Satono rolls her eyes at the display, almost chuckling to herself at how small Mai's attention span was. If she wanted to be honest, it could possibly rival that of a goldfish and that when she tried her best. She wonders if that is what the witch from before saw in her, when they fought upon her unexpected return to the Land of Back Doors. That wretched moment when she sent them both tumbling down with a flick of her wrist, and had the nerve to pity them when she defeated their Master, the Hidden God of secrets, without even breaking a sweat, and at the end she dares to stare at them with such apologies for their very nature. Is that what she thought of them both? A pair of brainless, emotionless marionettes at Master's fingers?

_Who cares what she thinks?_

If Satono wanted to be pitied simply for her status, she would go to Master or even Lady Yakumo, who also gave her all sorts of cryptic advices and weird gestures whenever she visited- which was gratefully not so often. Personally, she preferred to spend her evenings sitting quietly and watching Mai try to cook, keyword being "try". She was lost deep in her own thoughts as her friend set the food accidentally on fire and flailed about in panic, despite it being mostly boiling water. Who even boiled water anymore? It was cruelly humorous to watch the silver-haired teen struggle with such a simple task that Satono could barely stifle her laughter when everything spilled onto the floor as well as Mai's face. "Damn it! It's hot, hot hot hot HOT!!" Mai flailed about in panic before practically ripping her dripping shirt off and throwing it in Satono's face. Luckily, the brunette caught it before it hit her with amusement on her face. "I thought you knew how to cook, not just full of hot air." She laughed with honest glee, entertained for the first time in ages at her friend's blunder.

"Hey, at least I try." Mai looked forlorn at the charred remains of what was supposed to be their food, now reduced to nothing but ash. She didn't mind the fact she was standing right there, half naked and quite soaked, in fact when both of them noticed it, Satono tossed Mai's shirt back with the flustered words 'cover yourself' while the other just smirked ever so casually. "Nope, never had a problem with being shirtless. It's awesome." She says, hands on her hips and completely exposed. Satono tried not to stare at the silver-haired one's impressive- ironically flat chest with no avail, feeling her face grow a bit red. "Do you know what else is awesome?" Satono motioned for Mai to come closer, before shoving a kitchen towel in her face. "Decency."

 

■■■■■

 

Dusk was a sight to behold when you had the privilage of living behind the doors hidden upon people's backs, especially if you're eating takeout from that night sparrow's stand in the Forest of Magic and have the comfort of your friend's lap pillow. After nearly torching the kitchen, Mai had gone out to get something to eat and returned soon with what she could describe as "the best stuff you'd ever taste". They had the quietness of the night, the much needed break from their work, and above all the comfort of each other's presence. That, if Mai could take a break from chewing and spare the gory details of her journey while Satono was eating.

"-and this guy thought he could stand up against someone like me and badmouth me, so I took my bamboo and tore his guts out like this!" Mai did a jabbing motion in the air with her free hand, not noticing her friend looked pretty faint hearing that part. "Woosh, he was nothin but a saggy bit of skin after I was done with him, serves him right. You shoulda seen the look on his face, whew. Most fun I've had a while, I tell ya." She laughed to herself, rolling her eyes at how dumb humans can be. Being a servant of Master's for a while now, Satono was not a stranger to the more undesirable aspects of their work, the ones that included butchering those who used to be their kin at some point before- it all felt too soon to her, at least the bloodshed could wait until they were fully stripped of their humanity, but no matter how sound her decision felt she dared not question her Master's orders. However, despite her better judgement she still couldn't find it in her to hurt humans, part of why she didn't leave the Land of Back Doors up until today. That's why Mai did 90% of the dirty work, no foolish human was a match to the hotheaded dancing juggernaut when she had an order to follow and expectations to meet. Satono stirs uncomfortable in Mai's lap, and the movement no matter how slight does not go unnoticed. "You good down there?" She asks, finally swallowing her mouthful of food.

"Mmhm." The soft mumble was meant to be some sort of confirmation, but it just wouldn't leave her throat. It wasn't Mai's fault, really.

"Doesn't sound like it."

"I'm fine Mai."

 _"I'm fine Mai-"_ She repeared in a mocking imitation of her friend, pulling a sleepy face and tired eyes. "like hell you are, I'm not as dense as I look, I can tell when you're upset. Or if you need to dance." God knows how much she longed to spin and dance about amongst the doors like she used to do. "I'm just tired." Satono fake-yawns as proof, rubbing her eyes. She sighs and streches her arms, before she wraps them around Mai's neck for support. "It's getting late."

"True, true." Is the only response she has as she picks up Satono and heads inside, pretty unsure of what to say next. She was worried, that was obvious, but she had learnt to cherish the small moments and things, and getting her friend to open up a little today was enough of a reward- even if she sounded like she would rather see anyone but Mai most of the time. It must've taken quite the toll on her, that injury. Master had said it was nothing but an unfortunate turn of fate, and that eased the tension for a while but it didn't help that Mai always felt so guilty every time she remembers that day. The silver-haired teen was always acting three steps ahead of herself, and barely thought of the consequences of what she said or did, the most obvious vice of hers unintentionally harming others despite her well intent. Now all what was left to do for the night was tucking Satono in- no matter how ridiculous it sounded, the brunette was practically crippled with her stricken knee -and cleaning the mess she'd made in the kitchen earlier.

"You comfortable?"

Satono nods, a faint smile tugging at her lips. "Thanks." She looks genuinely tired, but oversleeping can have the same effects on people. Mai turns off the single lamp in the room when she leaves, then heads into the kitchen and picks up a stray spatula off the ground, dripping with God knows what as she begins to clean up her mess. A few weeks ago all of this, this situation they're in would've sounded impossible, another very delusional article by that meddling Tengu reporter.

However here they were, relieved from duty for the entirety of fall as Satono heals from her wound. If it were a human arrow, all would be well, but whatever magic this thing contained was far beyond their powers as youkai. _It's like someone wanted her away from the scene._ Heaving a heavy sigh, Mai walks down the hall to her own room, wanting nothing more than to throw herself onto her bed and take a nice, long sleep, at least until her brain can function properly again, when she remembered forgetting to close the door to Satono's room behind her. Last time she forgot to close a door, a rowdy fairy of all the things came tumbling in, and she wasn't gonna have a repeat of that incident and a fuming brunette at her back tomorrow. Heading back to shut it, she catches a glance of the form of her sleeping friend illuminated dimly by the swirling, glowing fog that was their world's sky, and stops with her hand leaning on the doorframe. Mai would be lying if she said that even in that crappy lighting Satono didn't look as beautiful as always, sleeping peacefully, it seemed, and as Mai moved closer she could notice her slow, uneven breathing. 

It was hard for her to see Sato like this, depressed and forced to stay indoors, not even being able to do what brought joy to her heart the most, and despite doing her best Mai just wanted to make the brunette feel better, even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness in the progress. It was all just so **unfair**. Brushing a stray lock of hair out of Satono's face, Mai left a kiss on her friend's forehead that lingered a bit too long, her way of saying a late goodnight before leaving and this time, closing the door behind her. Not long after she left, the very much awake Satono curls up in her sheets, a torrent of emotions overflowing within her and ripping away the lethargy from her sleep-depraved mind.

The non-existent sun shone on her at the first wisps of dawn, still blindly staring at the creases in the sheets. A door lazily opening drifts past her window, and for once it feels less like a springtrap and more like a getaway.

_The doors are a paradox of their own._

_They shine in the etheral glow with polished hinges and woodwork adorned with gold, call you forth with their secrets locked within, igniting one's curiosity and convincing the innocent wanderer that wonders were only the turn of a doorknob away._

_Heaven was waiting, and the doors knew the way._


	3. Unexpected

"Now, this might hurt a little."

They were both in Satono's bedroom, the brunette on the ground and her gaze locked onto the rickety ceiling while Mai changed her bandages. Despite how often the changing times were, she had never gotten used to the overwhelming agony that shot through her; even though she was getting better she still felt as if someone was sticking red-hot needles into her raw flesh any time her leg was touched. However, contrary to what one might believe, Mai's movements were slow and gentle like she was treading onto some very fragile eggshells with every move as she tended to Satono's wounds as well as she could, and she glanced over to her friend every once in a while to check if she was doing well through all of this. Breathing in and ignoring a sharp sting of pain, Satono stared at the ceiling and tried not to think of how much her injury hurt, or how deft, delicate fingers felt touching her exposed skin so casually. It was nothing, probably, but ever since last night she was over-thinking every small gesture of Mai's as containing some hidden intent or merely bothering her with unnecessary feelings. A walk on the balcony was an attempt at lowering her guard, hugs were now classified as taboo, and bringing her breakfast in bed was obviously flirt-

_Where am I going with this train of thought?_

Satono inhaled sharply, inadvertely expressing her frustration which the other mistook for a declaration of pain. Mai immediately stiffened and cursed under her breath, tearing the brunette out of her thoughts when a torrent of apologies rushed out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry- aw shit-"

"No, i-it's ok." She responds quick, putting Mai's worries at ease. "I was just thinking."

The silver haired one's interest is piqued as she continues to clean the wound ever so carefully. "Hm? Of what?"

The ceiling is suddenly very interesting now.

"Nothing."

"Your nothing is something to me." Hearing that declaration touched Satono's emotions deeply, even if it were only momentary. "Come on, spill the beans would'ja?" Mai says, waving the scissors in her hand back and forth.

"Spill the- I was just trying to comprehend your outsider lingo." Mai pouts, looking hurt. "Don't lie to me, Sato. I'm not dense, remember?" She pats her friend's bare thigh, a sudden gesture to which Satono responds by quickly slapping her hand away. "D-don't do that!" Her face becomes quite red when Mai raises her brows, and she chooses to glare at the sheets to avoid the unannounced inquiry. Shaking her head, Mai wraps up her handiwork and lays down ever so casually next to Satono's bed, an action to which the other responds to by shuffling awkwardly away. "See? You've never had a problem with that. You're acting funny."

Satono looks away, now that their faces are in such close proximity she can't stay the way she is without accidently staring at her friend's face. "It's all your fault." She mutters under her breath, and luckily the other dancer doesn't catch her very-false allegation well. "What was that- wait... wait a sec." Mai frowns at thin air for a second, as if she's trying to concentrate on something, then shakes her head. "Even with heightened abilities I can't understand a single thing of all that gibberish." Her childish complains are nothing out of the ordinary ever since the brunette have was put on house arrest. Forced to carry both the tasks of the Nishida & the Teireida, Mai has been building up quite the stress lately on her shoulders.

"Master called?"

"Yeah... said she needed something or another, I couldn't tell. I'm going to see her so she can tell me in person." Getting up and stretching her limbs, she walked out only to stop by the door. "Need anything from the outside while I'm gone?"

"No, thank you."

"Well, call me if you need anything, or don't. I like surprises."

Satono shook her head, drawing the covers over herself as Mai headed out. "This attitude is going to be the downfall of you someday." To this, the silverhead doesn't answer and only gives a brief thumbs-up as she closed the front door behind her, leaving Satono alone for god knows how long. Staying at home was so tedious.

Maybe something could get her mind off the boredom. She drummed her fingers against the wooden flooring, trying to mimic the movements of their dance, only to fail. Frowning, the brunette tried to recall their trademark routine, and found herself forgetting it. _It was a right step, a left step... or was it left step right step?_ Shaking her head, she convinced herself she would practice it later with Mai. When she heals, she'll remember then.

She sighed once again, waiting for her friend to return home.

 

■■■■■

 

The front door clicks open gently, but footsteps aren't heard. The light that spills into the hall is faint and diluted, but Satono was only beginning to fall asleep after being convinced Mai wasn't coming home any time soon, and she saw the shadow moving inside. Sitting up in bed, Satono looked at the door as it slid open confused, calling out to her friend.

When she caught sight of a regal wooden chair instead, her heart lept into her throat. "Well, well, I wasn't aware I looked that young."

"M-master!" Making her best effort to rise, the brunette flailed about before Okina stopped her with a raised palm. "No need to kneel, Satono. I'm not here to scold you." She said comforting, eyes unnaturally soft. She was visiting then for-?

"I came to check on you, see how you were holding up with that scatterbrain looking after you." So she didn't trust Mai either, what surprise. "To be honest, when I heard no movement coming in, I was afraid you had passed away because of her negligence. Why isn't she here?"

"She told me you sent for her."

"Yes, but by now she should've came back. It was such a simple errand, delivering a letter to Lady Yagokoro of Eientei, it's only down in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, shouldn't be far." She either didn't notice how Satono paled subtly after the mention of that wretched forest, or ignored it as the generous god she is. Okina turns back to the bedridden dancer, looking like she's rather talk about something else. "So, how are you holding up?" She relaxes in her chair, happy to make ordinary small talk with someone who has no high expectations of her for a change. "Mai says it's healing quite well." Satono says, beginning to relax and lower her guard. She was always so uptight in her Master's presence, but that was to be expected of a lifelong servant. "Our guess is about mid-winter."

"Oh? That's splendid. You must be feeling incredibly lonely in here, with nobody but Mai on your side. But she's entertaining all on her own, that little engima." She laughs, a hand on the armrest of her throne. "Yeah..." Satono says softly, gazing at nothing in particular, only be beginning to realize just how little acquaintances she had. "It is lonely." She and Okina continue to talk well into the night about little matters and trivial happenings in their world before the hidden god suddenly sits up with a knowing expression in her face. "Oh, she's here." She says, obviously referencing Mai. Satono looks sleepy, but she still offers her Master to stay a little longer, an offer which the hidden god sadly refuses. "I must be on my way, this world won't manage itself. I'll drop by again, once in a while, talking to you was a welcome change from the boredom here." The genuine pleasent tone of her voice was melodic, and Satono bowed to her as well as she could.

Before Okina leaves, however, she turns to the brunette. "Satono, do you have any friends?" The question is sudden, and as the dancer wracks her brain for an answer, she can only mutter a shaky response of "I uh... I know... many..."

"Just as I thought." The god of hindrances looks crestfallen for once, but her pleasant time returns. "If you need anyone to talk to, you can come to me. I doubt anyone knows you two better than I do." There is a pang of unexplained emotion that hits Satono's chest, and she doesn't know what to do or what to say. So she merely thanks her Master for such a generous proposal as Matara disappears into the stale red mist.

They would not see each other again.


	4. Interlude

It was a quiet evening at the human village. The weather was starting to grow a bit cooler since the beginning of fall, and today was no exception. People who were late for their jobs ran down the wide crowded streets, shop-goers flocked into the previously abandoned markets, and even the nearby bamboo forest bustled with life, rabbits and insects leaving their nests and homes to greet the reborn mother nature. The large wooden gates hung open today for the first time in forever, and the clearing that lay ahead was occupied by children who kicked about a battered, old ball, their laughter and joy mixing with the world's ambience. "Missing the old times now, aren't we?" Said the mischievous rabbit of fortune, hopping out of seemingly nowhere.   


Mai quickly looked away from the playing kids and shot the bunny a sour look. "I have nothing to miss." She spat out, realizing she was standing in the same place shamelessly staring at them for like an hour or so, the sun was beginning to set over the horizon, and internally scolded herself for getting caught in such a state. It didn't matter, Master would probably scold her again for being late. The rabbit, Tewi was her name, probably, perhaps, whatever- "Why do you care?! Scram, before I decide to have a roasted rabbit for dinner." Mai pointed the sharp end of her bamboo at the rabbit's face, who stood there smirking smugly. "Aw come on, your master wouldn't be thrilled to know you cooked a valuable asset of hers." The words rolled off her tongue like slime, and Mai stood there glowering before she left through the clearing, deciding to cross through the village to the forest of magic and find that jizo-statue-girl-whatever-her-name-is's backdoor.

Before she made it through the gates, though, she was interrupted by a kick to her back. Whirling around and expecting to find the rabbit, Mai was surprised to see that it was none other than a boy. One of the kids kicked her again while others laughed, and a small piece of paper fell off her back and drifted to the floor. It had the words "kick me" written on it in kanji. Sure enough, Tewi was laughing along with the little ones, enjoying her juvenile prank.  


That damned rabbit must've stuck it there when she was distracted. Raising her bamboo to the air, Mai threw it in the direction of that bunny like a javelin, missing only by a couple of inches. "I'll get you, you wretched little-" In her fit of rage, the dancer kicked the ball that innocently sat next to her half-way across the clearing. It landed directly between the crudely crafted goalposts, and the once laughing kids now gazed in awe. "That was so cool!" Yelled a boy with black hair, the shortest of the bunch. In minutes, all the children were rushing around Mai.  


"I didn't know a girl could kick so far!"  


"Yeah! You totally like- were- uh- amazing!"  


"Can you play on our team?"

"No, she'll play on ours!"  


The small argument soon evolved into shove and push.  


"We asked first!"  


"You're so mean!"  


"Whoa whoa whoa, take it easy." The silver-haired dancer made her way through the crowd of kids, hands on her hips. "Don't rip into each other like wolves." She said, seperating the kids. "Waddya say we swap teams every goal? Fair enough?"  


"Sounds good." One of the team leaders said, to which the others nodded in agreement. Everyone took their places, and with that they started playing. It was actually fun, even though it was much more tiring than danmaku, chasing a ball with little kids had quite the immature thrill to it and a special delight within that lied forgotten for years. Whether it was dancing freely in victory, or helping a teammate make the winning shot, it was something that was else impossible to acquire. Even well into the night, when the kids had to run to their homes, none complained of tiredness or exhaustion as their parents met them by the open gates. "But we aren't even tired!" One boy complained to his mother, who took his hand. "It's really gotten late, you were supposed to be home by sundown." She scolds him, dropping to a hushed tone. "What did I tell you about playing with youkai?"  


"But she's such a nice lady!"  


"Come on now young man, no complaining." The children disappear one by one, each saying goodbye to Mai before their parents take them away, usually making offhand comments on her unhuman nature or even contemplating reporting her to a certain "Keine". The dancer shakes her head, she really didn't mean to use her power by mistake on those kids. Remembering how late she is, and that she needs to get to Master, Mai frowns at the people now whispering about her amongst themselves with distaste. Guess that route's blocked off. Just as she walks around the walls of the village, heading back to the forest, someone tugs softly on the back bow of her dress. "Miss dancer?" It was the little kid from before. The one with the black hair who rode on her shoulders because he was too short to kick the ball. "What is it kiddo?" She asks, forcing herself to smile. He wasn't to blame if the villagers were so distrustful and rude, he was just a little kid with little hopes and a limited view of the world. Children expected everyone around them to be nice and caring, they didn't know how cruel the world could be. "You forgot your stick." He holds her bamboo rod in a hand, sharp end digging into the ground. It's taller than he is; the sight's quite comical. He hands it over to Mai, who thanks him before leaving.   


As she looks behind, she notices that even till now nobody's showed up to take him home. Not a parent, nor an older brother, not even a fellow kid. He walks to the village on his own, waving his little hand to her with a small smile.

It's unnervingly familiar, and leaves Mai with a bad feeling in her gut.  


   


■■■■■

   


When Mai gets home, it's to a scolding from Master and a remider to watch over Satono or her punishment would be severe. It's not entirely unexpected, she had gotten distracted and taken way too much time again. The house is quiet, too quiet- she'd gotten used to the soft pit patter of her friend's dancing feet even in the late hours of night, she's missed their joined spellcards and the little mock rehearsals they would throw every once in a while.   


Mai opened the door to Satono's room, finding her fast asleep. Again, not unexpected. She herself is very tired, more than usual but she blames it on the time she spent playing with the kids and her extended journey. Not even bothering to kick off her shoes, Mai flops onto her bed, tossing her bamboo off to god knows where. She wanted to stay awake for longer, but despite her best efforts she couldn't keep her eyes open and drifted to sleep, convinced she would feel better tommorrow. Unfortunately, she woke about 5 hours later, exhausted and still weary at the noise of someone slamming and shutting doors outside. Rolling onto her back, and picking up her bamboo, she scanned the room for her dress before realizing she was still fully dressed. Mai gets out of bed, yawning and rubbing her eyes, and when she opens the front door of their small residence she can feel her exhaustion increase tenfold. Standing at the door was the Hakurei shrine maiden, looking as if she was about to blast it open with her purification rod held up. "Oh, it's you." She says blankly, turning around and counting the doors under her breath before facing Mai again. "I fought your master again and now I'm lost. Guess that's the cost for handing her 'backdoor' to her." The wordplay was obvious, but Mai was too tired to catch the joke.   


"Okay." Her poor brain was still pretty broken, and therefore she stared blankly at Reimu's face before the miko, narrowing her eyes folded her arms across her chest. "I want to go home." She stated plainly, obviously not wanting to deal with the sleep-deprived servant now. _Same goes for me_ , thought the dancer as she stepped forward and closed the door behind her. "I'll show you to the Hakurei border door then." She slurred, drifting off to a row of doors. "Follow me." Reimu raised a brow, but said nothing and followed Mai to the array of doors. They floated about, some creaking open before slamming shut like mousetraps, making the shrine maiden flinch every now and then. About the 40th door from the right and the second down, Mai stopped and examined the one in front of her, poking it with her bamboo a few times until the door gave way to them. Matted with curtain-like red smoke, they could see the Hakurei shrine bathed in the dawn's sunlight, and the figure of Marisa Kirisame looting the donation box. "There ya go. Your shrine. Touch the door and you'll be there in no time."  


"Thanks." But Reimu didn't make a move to the door. Instead, she eyed the weary servant. "And I thought I had a rough night, you look like hell."  


"I feel like it too."  


"Is Matara being a needy jerk?" She snickered to herself. "Couldn't expect less from the god who fought in a chair."  


"That's not it. You can say we... took a cheap shot."  


The shrine maiden glances to the open door, where the fairies of light have ambushed Marisa into the bushes.  


"Is that what you call your partner getting a bad knee?"  


Mai sighed. "So Master told you."  


"Must be hard dancing for two." Reimu had questioned their disappearance, and apparently Master had told her. _So much for the god of secrets_ , the shrine maiden thought. _She can't even keep her own._  


"I hardly dance for one nowadays." It's true, Mai had barely done a single routine since the day Satono got injured.  


"It's all work, but I get to do the things I love from time to time, so I'm not one to complain."  


"Sounds like you really like your job." Reimu shakes her head, sighing. "Too bad you aren't keeping it for long."  


"Huh?" But before the dancer can inquire further, Reimu had taken the door and vanished. She could see her now at the steps of the shrine, shooting danmaku at the fairies who scurried away in fright, and left Marisa at the bushes, donations still in hand and blabbering an explanation. Mai stared at them for a while, contemplating heading over there and asking the shrine maiden what exactly she meant, before the door banged shut on itself and her train of thought. She made sure she would ask Master about this, after the well earned nap she deserved, and hoped that Reimu wasn't implying her immediate termination. She didn't even want to think of what might happen to her and Satono if Master abandoned them. Would they have to live in the outside world, where humans like them were fair game to monstrous youkai? Would they be forced to stay in exile, with hunters and humans constantly on their trail?

Would Master exterminate them herself on the spot, as if they were nothing but vermin?

Shaking her head, Mai banished those unpleasant thoughts and headed back home, hoping Satono wouldn't be too upset about being left alone last night.

Mai would hate to have broken her little expectant heart.  



	5. Congitohazard

"Nishida, Okina?" Said Yukari, eyeing the hidden god's polished throne.

Okina shook her head, the ever so friendly smile now unwillingly fixed upon her features. "No, I brought Teireida to do it. The other can't crawl two feet out of her bed." They were sitting in one of the hidden world's concealed rooms, Yakumo abandoning the generously provided chair in favor of her everexistant gap. Suddenly, she burst out laughing at the god of tengu-warding's reply before she caught herself, speaking just as Okina opened her mouth to retort. "I was talking about the myoga, of course! Only a Nishida of your servitude would carry around such a plant." The flabbergasted look on Matara's face is amusing to witness, and it proves that Yukari's guess was en pointe, as usual. "So tell me, Matara, why is your ' _humble throne_ ' decorated with a myoga branch?"

"I didn't notice." Okina examines the left arm of her throne, the subject of Yukari's attention, and to her utmost surprise there it is. A fresh, green myoga tucked gently into the carving. "It must've been Teireida's doing." She doesn't know what else to assume, the element of surprise had her tongue in a knot and her mind down the drain.

"How interesting." The mistress of gaps smiles ominously, and Okina's previous expression falls flat. "What is that supposed to mean?" She hisses out, almost venomous.

"That the marionettes you placed upon your servants have been slipping out of reach. What did I say about taking children, Matara?" Hearing this, the hidden god's fists clench on the arms of her throne, almost scarring the woodwork. "That you were not going to let your gaps anywhere near my servants." She spits out, obviously agitated.

"My my, there is no need for such hostility. I only wish to warn you, my fellow sage." Yukari settles on the gap she sat upon, legs crossed in a relaxed fashion. "There are unpleasant consequences for claiming servants at such a young age. They will grow out of even the sturdiest gates you fit on the backs of their minds. It is only a matter of time before the doors break and the winter blows in, but you already know that, right? Why else would you seek out their replacements so quickly?"

"I already found a replacement, but I trust you heard about it already from your pet shrine maiden."

"The ice fairy, true?" Okina nods, and looks away to the door hanging open beside her, a makeshift observation point of her two -now sleeping- servants. She tried to ignore the speaking Yukari, but failed. "Reimu has kept it from me for a while, but I have my methods. Please, Okina. Let the poor girls go already, it's inhuman to leave them suspended in such a state."

"You're right." The Noh of darkness stood from her throne, eyes narrowed as she glares at the surprised Yukari. "It is inhuman. But I'm not a human now, am I? Yukari, don't run about telling me what to do when you have a job of your own." She lifted the mirror that floated in her palm, and showed Yukari the reflection within. The gap-controller could see a Birdseye view of Gensokyo, Youkai Mountain in the distance and the reflection of the moonlight over Misty Lake. "This is your domain. And this-" Okina gestured to the world of mist around her with a flourish "-is mine. You created this rule, so stick to it."

Yukari shakes her head, and stands to stare Okina in the eye. "Well. You might choose to remain blinded from the truth within your realm, but it will find its way to you someday." She says, and the words boiling up Okina's throat are forced down by her ever so calm nature. "Leave."

Yukari disappeared as the gap she once sat on enveloped her in a flash of movement, leaving Matara face to face with thin air. What did that gap hag think anyway? Okina grumbled to herself in a language no longer meaningful as she reclined in her chair, now visibly annoyed. That the hidden god of secrets and stars and all what the sun could touch of Gensokyo's lands was going to bend to her will just with a frail plea?

Okina's eyes narrowed at the door open beside her.

Those two had to go for their own sake. Sooner or later. Yukari wouldn't let them be no matter what, and Okina certainly wasn't going to let her gap her servants away from this world without a fight. Even if she was speaking the truth, those two would just crawl to Okina's feet and **beg** to be wiped again-

But, would they?

For once in her life, Matara had no idea what to do.

And she _loathed_ it.

 

■■■■■

 

"Wake up Mai."

Warm light swept in through loose, silken curtains.

Yawning, Mai wiped at her eyes with a hand, trying to see past the sunlight shining into her eyes. Something- no. Someone; Satono to be precise, rested on her previously sleeping form, the disheveled sheets barely covering them both and seemingly doing things to her friend's impressive, model, _gorgeous_ body- but even these shamelessly wandering thoughts were trampled hopelessly by a wild gust of emotions as Satono's hand combed through silver locks, laughing softly in melodious tunes at her pal's flustered face. The brunette's unkempt hair brushed casually against Mai's bare neck as Satono rested her chin upon the other's chest, smiling warmly. "H-hello there." Mai shakily says, her voice even echoes briefly in her own ears.

"Hello, yourself." Satono retorts, rolling her eyes in a familiar fashion. Still, she keeps her smile as she wipes with her thumb under Mai's left eye, and to the silver-haired one's surprise the skin there feels quite damp. "Crying in your sleep again?"

Again-?

"I... I don't know." It's weak, frail, like her own vocal cords are no longer responsive. Breathing is suddenly harder, the shining light behind Satono is slowly growing dim. "Oh, you _poor_ thing," Satono cooed tenderly as she placed both palms on the sides of Mai's head, ever so gentle. More dampness can be felt now, on the bridge of Mai's nose, on her cheeks, on her shoulders. The uncontrollable tears cascade like fountains. "You still are, even though you're awake. Didn't I tell you before? You have nothing to worry about now. Nothing can hurt you here." Her voice wavers, as if she's on the brink of tears herself, but her straight expression says the opposite.

In a second, something flashes across the brunette's eyes. _A streak of red against a blackened earth. Rows and rows and rows of stale green prison bars. Pain like no other._

It all felt too familiar.

"This isn't real, is it?"

"No." Satono leaves a kiss on her collarbone, and it's fleeting like scarves thrown in the wind. "But you'll feel like it is." Her tone is saddened, broken.

Something rushes up from inside like bile, sharp and metallic. It fills Mai's throat but refuses to leave it. She chokes helpless on the blood that flows from her severed neck, the lights go dark.

But then there are lips on hers and she can breathe again.

"I wish you were still alive."

Mai wakes up with a start, trembling as she frantically reaches for her throat. Her hands touch smooth skin, unbroken- thank god _**thank god**_ , but are met by a familiar wetness. She is still weeping, and there are no arms around her or a soothing voice in her ear to calm it down. Satono- the real one, is sleeping soundly in her own room, oblivious to what just occured. The real Satono lies crippled in bed. Can't get up and walk down the hall to check. Can't comfort Mai when the darkness is too much and suffocates from both inside and out.

She thought she had gotten better, that these sleepless nights and these dreams had stopped a long time ago. But everything had gone bad along with Satono's knee. But there was something she could do about it, something she had done forever.

Anyone who had looked through the window at night, perhaps a woman of gaps or a meddling master would have seen the dancing shadow in that dark room, looking like a marionette with broken strings that was being swept by an unforgiving wind. Mai danced and danced till her legs couldn't hold her up, till the lights faded up and the doors broke open.

With every passing night, she found it harder and harder to dance the pain away.


	6. Congitohazard ~ Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this is so late??????? so sorry  
> at least its p development so more gay will be coming dont worry

_The little child's torn vocal cords barely functioned, uttering weak words to the girl whose tiny arms barely, just barely supported the mutilated body._

_"...help...me..."_

_"Mai! Oh god, oh god you're alive!"_

_"...it...huurts..."_

_"Stay with me please, stay with me! You're going to be ok!"_

_"...it...hurts..."_

_Faceless people circled a small clearing in the godforsaken forest, where the tall, green living jail took its day's food from the crimson blood soiling the ground, tainting the soft dirt. The little child cradling the broken one's head called out to the men, women and even other children to help them, where the small body, the center of the people's attention, lay motionless against the wet earth, twitching frail every now and then._

_"Somebody help us! SOMEBODY HELP! DON'T JUST STAND THERE, **DO SOMETHING!** "_

_A little broken girl shivered in the cold night as she clutched the weakly breathing remains of her friend close, the men staring them down with disgusted eyes. Her eyes shone red, a sparkling ruby of the blood that stained her frail body and dripped off her fingers. Blood on her dress. Blood on her face. Green eyes with their light ripped away from them stared past the crowd, past her tearstained dripping face and past the green prison bars at a figure that beckoned forth gentle, before disappearing into a flurry of orange, pink, blue, and green flames that curl lazily around as they engulf the forest's shivering stalks. The people scatter, frightened like pitiful animals from the blaze, running about like the mortal nusiances they were._

_The figure returns, manifests behind them from a pair of ashen luminous doors, closer now and beckoning once again. Pleading. Begging. **Come this way. Just come this way. You'll be safe, both of you. Just come this way.**_

_The burning bars fall apart, shatter like glass when striking the earth. A phoneix rises in the blackened sky, illuminating the charred earth as it decends. There is a faint scream, ending before it even began. Arms wrap around the broken children who wail as their last moments come to an agonizing conclusion, cut short by the hand of a hidden god. An unfamiliar face, a sudden unknown miracle, interferes out of nowhere, shooting a blessed bullet of mercy to their severed heads. A late deliverence from evil._

_The sky was falling._

 

■■■■■

 

Mist had decended upon the nonexistant ground, bathing the small lonely building with its damp gloominess. Doors were snapping apart wildly in the distance, exploading into voids of burning air and compressed power, affected by the unnatural tension lurking in the air. Shards and splinters of their remains blew apart in a stale wind, creating little spirals of broken wood in the sky. The sky was literally, falling. Satono reached up and barely drew the frail blinds over the window with great difficulty as she stumbled on one knee and flopped onto her bed, growling softly. Master was angry. It was a rare ocurance to see Okina in a fury, and a horrifying one at that. She tore apart whatever lied before her- own creations included, and if you were unlucky enough to be in her way, she wouldn't hesitate to reduce you to ash.

Still, Satono and Mai were safe here. They could hear the chaos in the distance, bleeding from the windows and the creases in the walls. The fearsome echoes scalded the walls upon meet, but no real harm could come to them, as Mai had already placed a seal on the doorway earlier. "Lady Yukari told me about it." She says, brush in hand and black paint dripping from her fingers. Both Satono and Mai had recieved orders from Master to seize all connections with Yakumo, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend who already looked guilty. "I know, I know, I disobeyed orders, but before you say anything she's the one who snuck up on me during my break."

Hearing this, Satono sat upright in her chair as Mai stepped over the stool where her injured leg was propped up. She found herself a seat and brought it closer, noting the surprise on the burnette's face as she took her question with stride. "Wait, _she_ found _you?_ "

"Yeah, so? 'Tis not the first time she's done it."

"She's been talking to you **alone** and you said nothing to Master?!"

"Why do you even ask?" The words drip venomous out of Mai's lips, her eyes almost mimic those of a bloodthirsty serpent. "It's not like you could come with me anyways, that took a bad turn, didn't it?"

"So now because I never leave I suddenly don't care?!"

"Like fuck you do!" The dancer stands up, looming over the other with a dangerous wave of her arm. "You two just want to bite my head off again over and over because I'm such a _goddamn scatterbrain_ \- something I can never have control over!"

Satono looked genuinely hurt. "I never said that!"

"You didn't but she did!" Mai thought back to the day she heard Master and Yakumo talking about them, the day before they were ordered to not speak of her again. "I heard it myself; all what she wants is tools at the tips of her fingers!"

"That's not true! Master would never-" Satono wanted to finish that sentence, she really did, but something deep inside her said otherwise. 

"You don't get it, it's because we're still human in a way, people sympathize with us and that's why she keeps us. One day we won't be anymore and she'd get rid of- she's going to get rid of me! After all I did, she's throwing me away!" There was a flash of light that illuminated the dark room, a backportal blown into nothingness, and Satono could see the seeping crimson of her narrowed eyes glaring holes into her skull, tears flowing like fountains. It was the influence of the storm, of Okina's wrath. It brought out the deep-set anger and frustation welling in the other.

"Don't make this only about yourself!"

"It isn't just me- both of our lives are at stake, but you don't care." She took a step forward, voice dropping into a mockingly silken whisper. "Because you aren't leaving are you? Because you're her sweet, lovely Satono. Her precious little perfect doll." Mai spat out the words bitterly. "The only thing that truely matters, because after all, I'm just some secondary enhancement instrument. _I. **Don't. Matter.**_ Isn't that what you've been saying to me the past few weeks?"

"You-" Satono tried to tear her eyes from the torches of Mai's unnatural fury, but failed. "You're a goddamn idiot! You'll get yourself killed at that rate! Master won't be paitent with you forever- one day you'll run out of luck and she'll kill you on the spot for such words!"

"Who cares?! I'm as expandable as furniture to you two."

"If you don't care then I do!"

"LIAR!" Mai instinctively grabs Satono by the collar as the fury boils deep within her. Her fist quivers, her hand reels back, she can feel the anger surfacing like a monster from the deep-

And then she can see her own reflection in teary eyes. Sees the bared teeth and the animalistic mad blaze in her eyes, and stops short. Satono's face is fear-stricken, pleading silently, she's seen that face before- when?! Something's clawing at the back of her mind, painfully presistant. Mai lets go of her collar as her sanity returns. Slow at first, but the hazy details begin to fall in place. "O-oh god, what am I doing, what am I doing-" She buries her face in her hands, confusion and horror overlapping as Satono attempts reaching out, only for Mai to shy away from her hand fearfully, not of Satono but of herself. Fear of what she could do. Fear of what can possibly happen. Fear of knowing whose dead body would be left on the ground this time. She inhaled deeply, sedating her anger that was multipled endlessly by her Master's influence, and ran to the door of her room, locking herself inside.

Satono would have followed, and she tried, only to end up splayed on the ground with her face slammed into the wooden floor.

 

■■■■■

 

The bullets coursing through Okina's quarters reduce the doors to explosions of bright color, the floor shakes violently with each and every destruction, and as the Hidden God stands over the remains of her previous creation, she stomps them into dust. "That's what you get, Yukari."

She aims her outstretched palm towards another door, about to sentence it for an untimely demise, before a familiar voice rings through the chaos, manifesting in her own mind.

"Ma-a-aster...?"

It's soft, glitchy, but Matara can make out the tiniest wisps of Satono's voice in her head. It's not only baffling, it's worrying and at the very least something better than to be angry at Yukari all day, seething and tearing apart her own realm.

"Satono? What is it?"

"C-c-can you-u come h-ere?... please...? Something terrible- something terrible- something terrible has happened."

Okina needs no more to be spoken before she seeks out the door leading to her servant's quarters, only to remember it was the first victim to fall to her wrath.

Whatever, she was a quick flier anyways.

 

■■■■■

 

Sighing, Satono faced the direction of Mai's room with a resentful face. "I'm going to have to tell her, you know.'" She called softly, trying not to bring forth another fight. "You did break a rule, Mai."

The door creaks open, and a single green eye peeks out from behind it.

"But I'll put up with the scolding with you, if it'll comfort you." The silver-haired one looks at her in slight surprise as the door opens wider. "It's not your fault anyways." She said ignoring the splinters digging into her palms and causing her to bleed a little. Mai takes little steps towards the downed Satono, looking away to hide her face in embarrassment. Without warning, she felt Mai's hand on hers, fingers brushing against her own in a gesture of gratitude as she muttered a brief "thanks", just in case it wasn't clear. They make eye contact, Mai kneeling in front of Satono, and hands come together as Mai tries to help her up, only for the two to collide unexpectedly.

Satono's halfway in Mai's lap, their faces are centimeters apart, one of her hands is on Mai's shoulder, holding on for support. Her eyes widen subtly as both scramble for words to speak, resulting in a few minutes spent in silence.

Something brushes against the burnette's cheek. Mai's hand quivers against her skin.

"I'm sorry." She says weakly, voice drenched in shame. Her eyes water again, it's surprising how easily one can bring Mai of all people to tears.

"Don't be." Satono blurts out, a reaction of pure instinct.

"I'm so, so sorry..."

Their hands disconnect only for Mai's arms to wrap around her and pull her close. The warmness, the sensation, the intimacy, the simple thought of being this close to her fellow dancer is overwhelming. Satono doesn't say anything; she's hopelessly stunned into silence as Mai keeps weeping out apology after apology, but her mind functions again by some sort of miracle and she finds the power within her to hold Mai back. To tell her everything's okay and that it's not her fault. It was just the storm, toying with her emotions. They stay like this for the reminder of the day, even when the door gently opens and Okina can be seen peering inside. "Everything ok?" She mouths, to which Satono responds with a silent "yeah", but her face says otherwise. Okina decides not to intrude, however, she does give the burnette a look that indicates they will be talking about this in full detail before she disappears - seemingly - into thin air.

The storm vanishes along, the entire realm is filled with a sense of emptiness. Okina had left for the outside, and Satono wishes she said more to her Master before her vocal cords failed her and Mai's crying grew too soft.

It'll have to wait until their ill-fated meeting.


End file.
